From my heart to your hands
Blue Light
The dream was back. And so were the shadows that always remained out of my reach.
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I never knew what these shadows were, just that they were important to me. Just as I seemed to be gaining on one, I heard a distant sound, like bell chimes. Instantly wrenched from my unsettling dream, I blinked my eyes open to find my phone ringing on my nightstand.
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Letting out a weary groan, I flung my arm toward my phone, clicked the answer button, and, without bothering to look at who was calling, answered in a hoarse voice, “Hello?”
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A burst of laughter emitted from the phone, accompanied by a voice. “Girl, are you even awake? I’m on my way.”
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Still blinking sleep from my eyes, I checked the time on my clock on the nightstand before jumping out of bed, nearly tripping over my tangled sheets. My gray tabby cat, Skritz, who’d been waiting by the door, instantly burst into action at my sudden movement, meowing incessantly and dashing off toward the kitchen.
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“Of course I’m up,” I stammered over the phone. “We have plans. Why would I still be sleeping?”
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Another laugh came. “Uh-huh, sure, honey. I’ll be there in five.”
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“Okay,” I replied to dead air, realizing the call had ended. I rechecked the time and began dashing around my room. Chelsea only lived a few blocks away; it wouldn’t take her long to walk to my apartment.
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After a quick trip to the bathroom, I clumsily made my way to the closet, where I threw open the doors. I rifled through a few shirts before selecting a green t-shirt that would match my eyes. After throwing on a pair of capris to go with it, I moved back toward the bathroom near my room.
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I was just splashing water on my face when the door to my apartment opened. “I’m here!” Chelsea sang as she closed the door behind her, jiggling the spare key I’d given in her hand.
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“I’ll be ready in a minute!” I called.
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Sounds of the pantry opening in the kitchen and Chelsea helping herself to some of the snacks within floated down the hallway. “You’re almost out of trail mix!” she called across the apartment. I feverishly worked on a stubborn knot in my sandy blonde hair. “And thin mints!”
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“Make a list for me!” I yelled back with a laugh.
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I set my brush down and eyed the untamable, frizzy strands of hair that framed my face with discontent. I didn’t have the time to work further on those, nor did I have time to bother much with makeup. Instead, I quickly applied a layer of mascara and left the bathroom, heading down the hall toward the sitting area and kitchen.
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My best friend, Chelsea, was scrolling on her phone, mindlessly chewing a thin mint as she leaned against the counter. Her shoulder-length black hair was crimped for the day, and she wore a beige t-shirt which starkly contrasted her dark skin. For the past two years, she’d been my best friend—my only friend. She glanced up at me as I entered and then over to where Skritz sat on the counter next to her, staring at her intently.
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“I think your cat’s obsessed with me,” she said casually.
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I chuckled. “No, he’s just hungry.” I approached his food dish, and Skritz let out a chirping meow, leaping lightly from the counter toward the bowl, where the remnants of last night’s feeding were still waiting, completely ignored by my apparently starving cat. With a shake of my head, I replenished the bowl and stood up straight to look at Chelsea.
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“Ready?” I asked.
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Chelsea raised an eyebrow at me. “Have you eaten already today?”
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I shrugged. “No, but I assume you made a schedule for today. I don’t want to disrupt it any more than I already have.”
Chelsea rolled her eyes. “Of course I made a schedule, but it can wait until you get some food in you.” She pointed sternly toward the fridge. “I need you good and energized for today. Besides,” she added with a smirk, “I’ve known you long enough by now to know how much leeway to give ourselves in the schedule.”
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With a relenting chuckle, I moved forward and cooked myself two pieces of toast. As I spread strawberry jam on the slices, Chelsea glanced over me and grinned. “Ooh, nice anklet,” she said in a high-pitched tone. “Where’d you get it?”
I suppressed a smile as I stretched out my leg, showing off the piece—a metal peace sign threaded through thick braided cords—before shrugging. “Oh, someone gave it to me.”
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Chelsea’s eyes danced with mirth. “Someone special?”
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I shot her a sly grin. “Hmm, maybe a little.”
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With a deep and dramatic gasp, Chelsea placed her hand over her heart. “Ouch. Maybe next time I’ll get you one that’s ugly. And really itchy.”
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Amid laughter, we began to head to the door of the apartment. I paused to offer Skritz a pat on the head, which he returned with a bite on my hand. We walked through the halls of my apartment building, laughing and joking. When we walked outside and reached the sidewalk, however, Chelsea suddenly turned very serious.
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“Okay, so I have it all planned out. I have a friend who knows a friend who was in charge of setup, so I have a map of all the booths. First, we go through the handcrafted items to admire them all, but we won’t feel any urge to buy anything because it will be the beginning of the day and we’ll want to save our money. Then, we go to the games, when we’ll have more energy to do them all. Then, it’s lunch. After that, we’ll go see the produce section, because we’ll be less likely to buy anything we don’t need right after we’ve eaten. Then, we’ll check out the books and movies for sale. After that, it’s dinner. Then, we’ll go see all the animals, because then we won’t feel like our hands are too dirty to eat with straight afterwards. Lastly, we’ll scope out any booth that catches our eye until we go home.”
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“Sounds great,” I said, hoping she wouldn’t expect me to remember the schedule.
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We waited for a car to pass a crosswalk before crossing a street as Chelsea stared ahead thoughtfully. “Or should we save the books and movies for last. . . ? But by then, it might be too dark to fully appreciate them . . . What do you think?”
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“Uh,” I stammered. “I’m good with whatever.”
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Chelsea nodded. “Then we’ll stick to the original plan,” she said decisively. “Come on,” she added, speeding up and tugging my arm. “Pick up the pace; we have lots to do!”
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Two years before, Chelsea and I met at a city fair in Vienna, Illinois, where we lived, and we’ve been inseparable ever since. To commemorate this, we’ve made it a tradition to go to the city fair together for the entire day. Chelsea usually liked to plan our activities, to ensure we had plenty of time to do everything we wanted to, though she was not opposed to spontaneity.
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The instant we approached the site where the fair was being held, I lifted my nose to the air and breathed in the overwhelming smells of fried foods and sizzling meats. An underlying scent of farm animals weaved through my senses as we walked toward the field where the booths and stands were set up, but I didn’t mind it much. People were walking around everywhere, stopping at various booths and darting around the crowd at random. A comfortable chatter filled the air, along with the squeals and screams of delighted children as they scampered toward the area set aside for the animals and darted past adults waiting in lines, blissfully unaware of their own impoliteness. The sights and sounds of the fair had become most familiar and comforting to me, and I was beaming as Chelsea and I started our meandering.
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As the day went on, we followed Chelsea’s schedule, though whenever one of us saw a certain booth or stand that caught our eye, we didn’t hesitate to disrupt our timetable and pull the other by the arm toward the booth. And, just as Chelsea planned, we barely spent any money throughout the whole morning, though we couldn’t resist purchasing a pair of matching handcrafted glass figurines of cuddling otters to hang on our rearview mirrors in our cars.
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It was around noon when we walked up to the exact stand where we had met two years before, still selling the same burgers and fries, and bought our lunch.
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“Can you believe it’s only been two years since we met?” Chelsea observed as we sat at a nearby table.
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“I know,” I responded, popping a fry in my mouth. “It’s crazy.”
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“It’s hard to believe that we didn’t know each other before then,” Chelsea said thoughtfully, absentmindedly twirling a fry in her fingers. Then she grinned at me. “Two years ago, your life was dreadfully deprived of my presence.”
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I let out a laugh. “I had much more peace and quiet, I’ll tell you that.”
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“Hey!” Chelsea said, grinning as she shoved my shoulder.
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“I’m only joking,” I chortled. “Of course my life has been so much better with you in it.”
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Chelsea beamed at me. “So has mine.” Then she lifted her plastic cup full of soda, straightened her posture, and put on a fake-serious face. “To our friendship! May we never let anything get between us.”
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“Cheers to that,” I said, grinning as we clinked our plastic cups together.
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When we’d finished eating, we started wandering through the aisles again. We didn’t buy much, but that was how Chelsea had planned it, so we wouldn’t feel tempted to spend money unnecessarily; besides, buying things was never our goal when we came to the fair.
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The sun was just setting as we made one last round through the fairgrounds. Chelsea suddenly grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward a booth stocked with all manner of jewelry, glittering in the dying light of the sun. I peered at Chelsea curiously. Neither she nor I had ever been extremely enthusiastic about shiny jewelry; why was she so determined to get to that booth? I noticed, however, that her eyes were not on the jewelry at all.
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A young man with light brown skin smiled at us from behind the booth as we approached, his perfect white teeth shining in the setting sun. “Good evening, ladies,” he said in a rich, smooth voice. “How can I help you beautiful women tonight?”
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Chelsea smiled back at him. “I just wanted to look.”
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“Of course,” he said in an enthusiastic tone. “Which piece in particular caught your eye?”
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Chelsea twirled a stand of black hair around her finger. “I didn’t say I came to look at the jewelry,” she said coyly.
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I glanced wildly from Chelsea to the man to see him staring at her with wide eyes. There was a beat of silence, and then the man grinned and offered a small chuckle. “I have to say I’m afraid business will slow to a halt with you standing near my booth,” he said, his eyes shining flirtatiously. “You outshine every single piece.”
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Chelsea beamed, blinking her large, brown eyes at the man. I turned my gaze away, feeling suddenly embarrassed for no apparent reason. The man offered to sell a necklace to Chelsea for half-price, and she readily accepted. Seizing the moment, I stepped a few feet away, waiting for her to make the purchase, maybe exchange phone numbers with him, and then follow me.
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After a few minutes of talking, Chelsea turned to me. I was surprised when I saw the man come out from behind the booth and start walking with her toward me. Chelsea smiled as they reached me. “Evan, this is Hailey. Hailey, meet Evan. Do you mind if he joins us for the rest of the evening?”
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I gazed at her in disbelief before offering a small, hesitant smile to Evan. He did seem kind, but I hadn’t been planning on playing third wheel with my best friend today, of all days. “What about your booth?” I asked, looking for an excuse for him to stay behind.
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He smiled in response. “I’ve been here all day, my shift’s over.” He nodded back at the booth, where a girl wearing the same t-shirt as Evan was already helping another woman. “I hope it’s okay that I join you,” he said, linking arms with Chelsea.
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No, it’s not okay! I thought angrily, but I merely smiled back at him. “Of course.”
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We continued walking around, looking at all the booths as the darkness grew. Vendors started packing up their items as we stood off to the side, Chelsea and Evan engaged in an animated conversation about his volunteer work at the local animal shelter. Of course he volunteered at an animal shelter. I stood on Chelsea’s other side, trying to ignore them as much as they were ignoring me, my arms crossed tightly and not just because of the chilly breeze.
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A little girl came by, carrying a big box, probably helping put away the items from her parents’ booth. She dropped the box and the contents—bracelets, charms, and keychains—spilled out of it. Evan immediately bent down and helped her, picking up the items and carrying the box as he followed her to where her father was loading up a van with similar boxes.
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In his absence, an icy silence filled the air between us. Chelsea turned toward me, grinning. “Isn’t he so hot?” she squealed. “And he’s super nice!”
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I offered a grim smile and a curt nod without looking at her.
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“It’s hard to believe he’s single,” Chelsea said. “Then again, it’s hard to believe I’m single,” she added jokingly. When I only offered a vague huff of laughter, she looked at me, brows furrowed.
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“Are you okay?”
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“Yeah,” I faked a pleasant tone, which sounded nothing like me. “I’m fine.”
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Chelsea tilted her head, but before she could question me, Evan returned.
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“So, I was thinking if you’re done here, we could all go get some ice cream or something together,” he said, twirling his keys in his hand. “I’ll drive.”
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“Ice cream sounds amazing right now,” Chelsea said. “Hailey?”
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I acted as though I was tempted for a moment before shaking my head. “No, I’m okay. I’m a little tired tonight. You two go ahead.”
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“You’ll be fine walking home by yourself?” Chelsea asked, concern lacing her tone.
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“I can give you a ride home on the way if you want me to,” Evan said.
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“No, that’s all right,” I said, not wanting to inconvenience him. “I’ll be fine.”
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“If you’re sure. . . ?” Chelsea said anxiously.
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I nodded, giving her my best attempt at a smile. “I’m sure. Go on.”
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Darkness had fully set in by the time they left. I waited until the pair had vanished from view, pretending to examine the few remaining booths. As the fairgrounds emptied, I slowly started my way home to my apartment. Calling a taxi crossed my mind, but then I realized I’d given my phone to Chelsea to hold before trying out a dart game just before dinner. It was probably now in the dark recesses of her purse. Feeling as though the universe was turning against me, I wrapped my arms around myself as I trudged toward the edge of the emptying field.
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One last booth remained, where a woman stooped with age tended it, her hands shaking as she tried to pack up her handmade items. She was placing a handful of her products into a cardboard box when her tremors became so violent suddenly that the items slipped from her hand and bounced in the grassy ground beneath her.
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Although I wanted to act as if I hadn’t seen her troubles, wrapped in my own self-misery, I begrudgingly decided to close the distance between us and bent down to pick up the products she’d dropped.
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“Oh, thank you, my dear,” the woman said in a warbling tone as I straightened up with the items in my hand. I gave her a thin smile as I carefully placed the items in her box. I was just turning to leave when she took one of my hands, her trembling fingers wrapping around mine.
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“Please, I want you to pick one of my pieces,” she said, her bright eyes twinkling kindly at me. “As repayment for your kindness.”
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“It’s all right,” I said in my best attempt at a kind voice. “I don’t need anything.”
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“Please, I insist,” the old woman said, shuffling nearer to her booth and pulling me along with her. “Such a lovely soul deserves a lovely, handcrafted gift. Just choose one that calls to you.”
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One that calls to me? Such strange words. She continued to beam at me with her hopeful gaze, until I relented and took another step closer to see her wares. My gaze roamed over the items before settling on what appeared to be a simple wooden snowflake, possibly meant to be used as a Christmas decoration. In the center of the snowflake, a pink jewel was inlaid into the wood, glinting in the light of the streetlights above us. Christmas was several months away, and nothing was particularly eye-catching about the snowflake, but something within me wanted it.
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When I took it in my hands, the old woman raised her eyebrows. “That one?” she asked in surprise.
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“Is that not okay?” I asked in alarm.
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“Oh, no, it’s fine, dear. I was just surprised.” The old woman reached out and tapped the snowflake. “There’s something strange about this one. If it called to you, I’m sure you made the right choice.”
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“It’s beautiful,” I commented. “They all are.”
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“Thank you, my dear. It seems when I’m crafting, it’s the only time I can stop my tremors.” She gazed at me wisely. “Even in our trials, God has a way of granting small mercies.”
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I only smiled and nodded. I’d never believed in an all-powerful God who watched over all the beings in the universe, granting blessings to His favored people. It was better to believe that there wasn’t a God rather than think He wanted nothing to do with me, just like most people in my life.
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When the woman’s granddaughter arrived, having just brought their car closer, I thanked the woman again and started the twenty-minute walk home. I breathed in the chilly air and shivered as I crossed the street, hugging my arms close around me. Now that my mind was no longer occupied with the strange woman or the snowflake resting in my pocket, my thoughts turned again to my current predicament. I should have been ecstatic for Chelsea, but I just wished she wouldn’t forget about me simply because someone caught her eye. There was also a small part of me seething with jealousy for her confidence—to flirt, to be so open and vulnerable with a total stranger. I wasn’t sure how long Evan would be in Chelsea’s life, but if they grew to be serious, I was afraid I’d be cast aside. Alone. Again.
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As I was passing a dark alley, something started buzzing within my pocket, tearing me from my bitter thoughts. Frowning, I dug within my pocket, expecting to find my phone out of habit, but it was the snowflake that was vibrating. I pulled it out, immediately startled to find that it was now pulsing with a blue light in a steady rhythm. Peering at it curiously, I turned it over, looking for any sort of switch or panel that indicated it was powered by batteries, but I found nothing.
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However, as I shifted my grip, the snowflake started pulsing more feverishly. After a few moments of moving it around, I realized the closer it was moved to the alley beside me, the faster it would pulse with the blue light. I glanced around. There were no pedestrians or drivers around. I knew better than to venture into a dark alley alone, but something about this situation was intriguing me, something I had to explore.
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I slowly walked into the alley, watching as the snowflake steadily pulsed faster and faster the deeper I walked within. My heart pounded against my ribs, keeping pace with the pulsing light as it increased in rate. I didn’t know what I expected to happen, but I was sure something was going to occur.
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The snowflake was nearly glowing in a constant blue from the increase in pulsing light when something scampered across my path. I let out a startled shriek at the sudden appearance and my heart rate sky-rocketed, though I let out a small sigh of relief as I realized it was only a stray cat running away from me. With a shaky laugh, I glanced around, suddenly regaining my senses.
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Confused, I pocketed the snowflake once more, ignoring the decreasing buzzing as I hurried out of the alley. I decided I could continue to examine this strange item from the safety of my house. After checking the street outside the alley up and down, I began to cross. I was halfway across the street when a pair of headlights came out of nowhere.
Out of instinct, I threw up my hands in a vain attempt to shield myself, the snowflake flying out of my pocket and twirling in the air in front of me. The last thing I saw before darkness overcame my vision was a burst of blue light.